Overload

The past five days have been an absolute nightmare. Everyone I know has been affected by Katrina in some way.

We’ve had refugees at our house. Not as many as some people I know. It’s so sad having people in your home that may not have anything left by the time they are able to get back to home. We were without power for a couple of days…an inconvenience. People I care about are without everything, probably will have to start from scratch.

The husband and I had some rough moments, but things are better now. He really is my rock; I can’t function when things aren’t good between the two of us. It was especially hard earlier this week.

Every time I try to drive away from work or sleep, I get a call because something needs to happen on the web site. I’m not sure how long I can go without a complete nights sleep.

Every time I think about how little sleep I’m getting, I feel guilty for having it even pop in my head. People are sleeping on the concrete, don’t have fresh food or water, and many are in constant fear for their lives. And here I am worrying about how much sleep I’m getting. Pretty selfish.

A Late Afternoon Nap

I am so tired. Not sleepy tired. More like my body has no fuel, tired.

It has to be the Atkins, if it were depression I’d be sleepy not fatigued.

Let me officially declare that Day Two of induction sucks. I have no supply of carbs in my body. I think I’ll be okay once the body switches over to fat burning. I’m hoping that will happen any minute now. I’d like to go back to my normal state of being depressed and sleepy. Being hungry and worn out isn’t as fulfilling.

Speaking of being worn-out, I need to go in to karate tonight. Lefty said something about belt promotions being this evening. I’ll be okay if all I have to do is sit cross-legged on the floor for an hour. I think even the pre-class warm-up would cause me to pass-out, that is how little energy I have.

Of course, I’m making the assumption that I passed testing. I haven’t seen Sa Bum Nim since testing, so if I didn’t pass, he hasn’t had an opportunity to tell me that I did not. Which means I could potentially sit in class, anxiously awaiting my turn to receive my next blue stripe, only to have Sa Bum Nim call Lefty and then call RBJ.

I know I’ve said after previous tests that my performance sucked and I don’t feel like I passed. I REALLY mean it this time. I don’t know how I possibly accumulated enough points to pass. Unfortunately I find myself in the position of wishing for pitty points. I believe this puts me in the company of RBB and RBC. I should be ashamed of myself.

Bleck

Still feeling crappy. Guess I will for a while. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I ate Ruffles and played Metroid Prime until 1:28 in the morning. Let me just say, I hate the friggin’ Ghost Chozo. Their cackling when you can’t see them totally creeps me out.

Yesterday

Life is strange. It is terryfying that the entire fabric of one’s reality can be altered in an instant. Altered by something that happened over thirty years ago. It only takes four little words for that distant action to completely bear upon the present.

Yesterday morning I woke up and my biggest concerns were whether I’d ever be able to make it to work on time again and whether I should test for 1st gup this Saturday. By the time I went to bed those little worries seemed thoroughly insignificant. People I love made poor choices in the past. Those poor choices have been brought to light. And now, because these people are dear me, my entire perception of my family has changed. And it isn’t just my perception. Everyone in my family will be affected by this. Relationships are going to be shattered. Love will be replaced by hate. Nothing will ever be the same.

I don’t want this hurt. I’m selfish. I want my “Leave It to Beaver” world back.